I remember being a few weeks out from my hysterectomy, and feeling like my first year cancer free was going to take decades to get there. Friends told me that I'd hit the milestones before I knew it: 3 months, 6 months, and finally that 1 year mark. And I still just couldn't wrap my head around it.
It was a very strange time, those first weeks post surgery. On one hand, I felt like it had just happened (which it had). On the other hand, I felt like the surgery had happened a million years ago. It didn't help that I had some minor complications, and that slowed my healing down. I basically spent all of last summer in bed on my back, racked with pain. I was convinced I would feel like that forever. Of course I didn't, but that's how pain is - it seems like it's always been there, and it's never going to leave.
My complications cleared up about 4 months after the operation, and I began to feel like I could get my life going again. I remember the first time I took my son out to run errands. No big deal, really, but it felt amazing. He'd been asking me to take him places for months, and I just couldn't do it. I felt like a horrible mother. But there we were, on a typical fall day in Virginia, where it's still as hot as August, going to Target! And the optometrist! For me, it was magical. For him, probably not so much.
And I was hitting those milestones. Time, which had stood still for so long, was finally moving. Three months, still NED. Six months, still NED. Nine months, still NED. And now I'm less than 90 days away from being an ENTIRE YEAR CANCER FREE!
There is another thing about this cancerversary that is extra special. My mother was diagnosed with breast cancer two months before I was diagnosed with cervical cancer. During her lumpectomy, they found cancerous cells in one of the lymph nodes they removed, so she had to undergo radiation. She completed radiation right around when I had my surgery, with both of us getting the declaration of NED very close together. It was terrible that we both had cancer, but in a way, it was good that we went through it together. We could support each other in ways that other people couldn't support us because we got it. Even though our journeys were different, our feelings were the same. We could call each other and cry. We could share our triumphs together. And now we have this bond of a shared cancerversary.
It's a big deal. It's so big a deal that we are going to have a cancerversary party, to celebrate making it through an entire year from when treatment ended cancer free, and to thank all of our friends and family who supported us during some of the darkest, scariest days of our lives. I am so excited that we made it this far, that we get the chance to celebrate when we know others who are still struggling, still fighting.
My happiness over my health is always bittersweet, tinged with sorrow for dear friends who don't have their answers yet. For those that have never heard NED. I think of you and I pray for you every single day. I am humbled by your strength, your courage, your spirit. I am honored to have your support, and that you allow me to support you and be a part of your journey.
xoxo
No comments:
Post a Comment