my cancer poem

something was wrong, and no one knew what

or why

it was a constant dismissal

one specialist to the next

still no answers

it couldn’t be serious, right?

surely something would have turned up by now

when the call came the second week in april,

i felt no fear

even when my doctor said cancer

i was too numb to understand that it was me she was talking about

in those moments on the phone,

my life as i knew it spiraled away

and i was suddenly, beyond all doubt,

a different woman

i was cancer, surgery, treatment, death

it took every bit of my willpower to take the steps to fight

cancer robs you of everything

you have no privacy,

your doctors know your body more intimately than your lover

but it does give something back

there is strength in each of us,

the strength to go on and fight another day

and i was lucky, yes, but this is a fatal illness

so i stood tall, planted my feet, and stared death in the face

and i won

What a Stage B Cervical Cancer Looks Like

These images show what stage B cervical cancer looks like. I was stage 1B1, the early stage. Obviously you can see the deterioration of the cervix as the cancer progresses.

I was lucky. I cannot say this enough. My cancer was caught early, and I needed minimal treatment. Many women are not that fortunate. Many women die of this disease. Even one is too many, because this a cancer that is so easily detected with routine pap Smears.

YOU can be an advocate. YOU can make a difference. Share your story. Encourage the women in your life to get their smears. If you are 26 and under, look into the Gardisil vaccine. Consider vaccinating your child, boy or girl. There is no shame here. This is life and death.

What Are Possible Symptoms of Cervical Cancer?

Possible symptoms of cervical cancer may include abnormal or irregular vaginal bleeding, pain during sex, or vaginal discharge. Notify your healthcare provider if you experience:
• Abnormal bleeding, such as
o Bleeding between regular menstrual periods
o Bleeding after sexual intercourse
o Bleeding after douching
o Bleeding after a pelvic exam
o Bleeding after menopause
• Pelvic pain not related to your menstrual cycle
• Heavy or unusual discharge that may be watery, thick, and possibly have a foul odor
• Increased urinary frequency
• Pain during urination
Cervical cancer can also have no symptoms; this is why it is IMPERATIVE to have regular Pap smears done!
(Source: National Cervical Cancer Coalition)

Cervical Cancer Awareness Month!

It's finally here - January, also known as Cervical Cancer Awareness Month! If it seems odd for me to be excited about a month honoring a potentially deadly disease, I can assure you that it's not. In a perfect world, there would be a cure for every cancer. Anyone diagnosed with cancer could be put on a course of antibiotics, and be back to normal in 7 to 10 days.

Cancer isn't that simple. it is tests, biopsies, and blood work. It is CT and PET scans. It's surgery. It's chemotherapy. It's radiation. Very often, the treatment hurts more than the disease itself. And sometimes, too many times, it's doing all the right things to get ahead of the disease, without success. All too often, cancer proves just how deadly it is.

October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month, which I'm pretty sure you know already, unless you live in a cave with no satellite tv or wireless Internet access, and only encounter woodland creatures. And it is great to have so much support for breast cancer - my mother is a breast cancer survivor, and her knowledge and strength where completely unparalleled during my own cancer battle. But not all cancer is pink; we are more than just our boobs. We need to talk about the uncomfortable fact of cervical cancer because it is one of the most preventable cancers out there,

So this month is teal and white, the colors of cervical cancer. it's a time to support the fighters, admire the survivors, honor the taken, and keep demanding a cure.

If you are due for a Pap smear, please make an appointment immediately to have one. Gentlemen, remind your wives, girlfriends, sisters, cousins, aunts, etc to make their appointments. Even if you aren't due for a Pap smear but experience any of the following symptoms, make an appointment to see your gynecologist right away:

• irregular vaginal bleeding
• vaginal discharge with an unpleasant odor
• watery vaginal discharge
• vaginal discharge tinged with blood
• pelvic or back pain
• pain during sex
• problems urinating
• problems defecating
• swelling of the legs

Early detection leads to less invasive treatment, faster healing, and the preservation of fertility. Please make your health a priority. It could be the difference between life and death.

xo

Goodbye Forever 2014

In a lot of ways, 2014 was the worst year of my life. I spent over half of it trying to beat cervical cancer. It was a terrifying and extremely changing event for me. Once you are diagnosed with any form of cancer, there is no going back. You are caught in its tsunami, and you just have to wait and pray that the storm will settle. You go from one procedure to the next, never knowing exactly what treatments you will need until you finish one, and it either works or doesn't. I was incredibly fortunate in that my cancer was caught early, and I only had three procedures: a Pap smear, which diagnosed the cancer; a cone biopsy, which determined how much of my cervix had been compromised by the cancer; and finally, a radical hysterectomy, taking everything except my ovaries. Once that was done, I was considered NED - no evidence of disease. But I will never be CURED. There is no cure for cancer, only remission. And that totally sucks.

The funny thing is that that horrible experience was the catalyst for the greatest moments in both the year and in my life. I have met so many amazing women traveling this same path, women whom I love dearly, my teal sisters. My relationship with my son changed. He had to grow up a lot while I was sick, and that opened a door to a new, more mature relationship between us. I got engaged to the man of my dreams, my soulmate, my other half. Cancer drove a wedge between us, but we love each other far too much to let go.

2014 taught me many things. You only get one life, and it is precious. Love openly and without reservation. If someone doesn't show up for you when you need them, it could be their own fears, not because they don't care about you. And some people don't show up because they are too self centered to care, and it's best to let those people go. Take risks. Live every day to the fullest. Don't dwe on the past, or obsess about the future. NOW is what matters.

On June 16, 2015, I want to have a huge party celebrating my first cancerversay. But mostly I am hoping for health and happiness in 2015, not just for me, but for my loved ones as well. I could not have made it through this without them - Jeff, my mama, my son, my #cancerbesties. I carried a huge burden in the last year, but was blessed all along.