Goodbye Forever 2014

In a lot of ways, 2014 was the worst year of my life. I spent over half of it trying to beat cervical cancer. It was a terrifying and extremely changing event for me. Once you are diagnosed with any form of cancer, there is no going back. You are caught in its tsunami, and you just have to wait and pray that the storm will settle. You go from one procedure to the next, never knowing exactly what treatments you will need until you finish one, and it either works or doesn't. I was incredibly fortunate in that my cancer was caught early, and I only had three procedures: a Pap smear, which diagnosed the cancer; a cone biopsy, which determined how much of my cervix had been compromised by the cancer; and finally, a radical hysterectomy, taking everything except my ovaries. Once that was done, I was considered NED - no evidence of disease. But I will never be CURED. There is no cure for cancer, only remission. And that totally sucks.

The funny thing is that that horrible experience was the catalyst for the greatest moments in both the year and in my life. I have met so many amazing women traveling this same path, women whom I love dearly, my teal sisters. My relationship with my son changed. He had to grow up a lot while I was sick, and that opened a door to a new, more mature relationship between us. I got engaged to the man of my dreams, my soulmate, my other half. Cancer drove a wedge between us, but we love each other far too much to let go.

2014 taught me many things. You only get one life, and it is precious. Love openly and without reservation. If someone doesn't show up for you when you need them, it could be their own fears, not because they don't care about you. And some people don't show up because they are too self centered to care, and it's best to let those people go. Take risks. Live every day to the fullest. Don't dwe on the past, or obsess about the future. NOW is what matters.

On June 16, 2015, I want to have a huge party celebrating my first cancerversay. But mostly I am hoping for health and happiness in 2015, not just for me, but for my loved ones as well. I could not have made it through this without them - Jeff, my mama, my son, my #cancerbesties. I carried a huge burden in the last year, but was blessed all along.