life really does go on

As of today, I am one year, one month and four days beyond being declared NED (no evidence of disease) for cervical cancer. I know I've said it before, but when I heard the words "You have cancer," my world seemed to stop. And it didn't start moving again for a very long time.

My life was no longer normal. I had a prolonged recovery from mild complications from my radical hysterectomy. I felt completely empty, like I had a huge void inside of me. Nothing made sense. I made poor decisions; trusting the wrong people, and not trusting the right ones. I changed, because that is what cancer does; it makes you a different person. Regardless of the stage you are at, what treatment you undergo, you are no longer the same.

I was in limbo for a long time. And then gradually, things began to change again. My life and I still were no longer the same as before I was diagnosed, but I began to find my new normal. I was no longer in a holding pattern, and my life began to move forward. It was slow at first, and then I woke up one day to the knowledge that I had shown no sign of disease for an entire year.

I have been incredibly lucky. I have four amazing friends, beautiful women both inside and out, who are still in different states with this devastating disease. We are spread out geographically, but talk pretty much every day. Nothing is off limits in these conversations. We laugh, we cry. We celebrate each others successes, and empathize with each others struggles. We joke around. We tell each other our deepest fears. We hold on to each other from hundreds and thousands of miles away. These women are my tribe. Amanda, Jen, Kim and Mel, I could never have made it without you.

I got engaged on Christmas Day to my best friend and the love of my life. My illness almost robbed us of our relationship, but thank god our love is strong enough to have brought us back from the brink, and made us stronger than ever. Jeff, you are my other half in all the best  possible ways. I love our life together. I love that you have brought your two incredible boys into my life, and allowed me to love them. Our family means everything to me. In 18 days, I will marry the man of my dreams, and I am truly blessed.

I have gotten involved with The Foundation for Women's Cancer, and am honored to be a member of the host committee for the 2015 Race to End Women's Cancer. This has given me the opportunity to be very vocal about GYN cancers, to help educate women and men who don't know about things such as symptoms to be wary of, and to be a source of support to friends who find themselves in situations where they could be looking at a cancer diagnosis. By leading a team in the 2015 race, I raise money for the Foundation, which goes towards raising awareness about prevention, detection, and treatment for GYN cancers; providing education about GYN cancers and how important it is to seek care; and supporting research into new, innovate treatment. When I was diagnosed, I realized just how ignorant I was regarding my own body, so I have become incredibly passionate about educating women, to take the steps they need to in order to stay healthy, and to provide support in any way that I am able.

This Saturday, my mother (diagnosed with breast cancer two months before I was diagnosed with cervical cancer) and I are hosting a party in honor of our first cancerversary. It will be a celebration of life, survival, and hope. Cancer left scars on our bodies and our souls, but we are healing. We each fought like a girl and we won. And we will keep on fighting because when you've slain the monster once, you know you have the strength to do it again.

Jennie (L) & KAREN (R)