The Silver Lining

A few days ago, I intended to write a post about the positive things that come from being a cancer patient and survivor. Life happened, so the post was put on hold. So now, finally, here we go - you can read all about why getting cancer was actually beneficial to my life.

Cancer sucks; there's just no way around that fact. It is scary. It is painful. You lose control over your own body, because doctors are constantly are constantly probing and prodding. With gyn cancer, your oncologist basically becomes bff with your vagina. Almost all treatment procedures are invasive. I know, you're thinking that this was going to be positive, and it is. I just don't want to lose sight of the horror of this disease, and I don't want you to lose sight of it either. So here are the positive things that I've picked up so far.

Fact: I know now which people in my life will really, TRULY be there for me when I need them.

When I came out of the cancer closet, there were people that I was certain would be there right by my side, and others who wouldn't. But what I thought and what the reality turned out to be were two completely different things. People who I was positive would show up did not reach out at all. I never expected any of my friends to come wait on me hand and foot, but even a text saying "hey, i'm really sorry about what you're going through" would have been nice.

I know this sounds like a negative, but in reality, it showed me who I could turn to when I really needed someone to be there for me. Coming to this realization was definitely painful, but at least now I know.

Fact: I am able to help other women just beginning their journey with cervical cancer.

I knew basically nothing about gyn cancer before my diagnosis. I actually didn't know the physiology of my reproductive system as well as I thought. Of course, now I know way more than I ever wanted to, but that's knowledge that I can pass on to women facing hysterectomies who are uncertain of what to expect. I would be great if our doctors told us everything: how long the healing process really takes (4 weeks, ha!), your ovaries (if they are left in) going into hibernation for a few months while they recover from the trauma of surgery (I swore I was in menopause), weird joint pain, etc. But they don't tell us all of those things, and so we share our experiences with each other.

Fact: There are thousands of women all over the world fighting this same battle, and we all truly get it, no matter where we are.

I wish no woman ever had to go through this. But I am so grateful for the friends I have made during this journey. Most I will probably never meet face to face, but we are a sisterhood none the less. We support each other, obviously with cancer related issues, but with all aspects of life. I am so grateful to these ladies, my Teal Sisters, for holding my hand, talking me down off the ledge, and sharing their experience and wisdom with me.

Fact: I am a different person now than before I was diagnosed. I will never be the "old" me again. 

When you face a potentially terminal illness, your priorities shift in a major way. I have come to realize that I never truly valued what a gift my life is until I was in a position where I could lose it. Now, when I wake up in the morning, I am grateful that I have another day here.

I am stronger than I ever thought possible. I fought hard, and I have beaten cancer - my body has the scars to prove it. I am a survivor.

I wish I could have had these gifts brought to me in a different way. But I am glad to have them. Yes, cancer still sucks, but we still laugh together as well as cry. And I like the "new" me. I think I'll keep her :)

xo jennie