I Beat Cancer, Only to Feel Like I'm Drowning in Anxiety

It’s dark and cold down here. I can hear screeching in the distance. My heart is pounding, my hands are clammy, and sweat is pouring down my back and from my armpits. I’m crying and shaking, and I feel like my motor skills are dull. I can't catch my breath; it's like there's a vice around my chest.

I’m in the parking garage of my oncologist’s office for my regular checkup, having been cancer free for close to two years, and I'm having a panic attack.

I’ve blogged in the past about depression after treatment is over, and that post touched on anxiety, as depression and anxiety tend to be soul mates. I’ve been open about my own struggles with anxiety, both before and after cancer, and a friend offered up my services the other day to a woman dealing with post-treatment anxiety.

So what is anxiety? WebMD.com breaks anxiety down into four classifications:

Panic Disorder – This is a panic attack. Feelings like alarm bells clang and clang with no prior notice. These are described as similar to heart attacks – chest pains, shortness of breath, sweating, and a high heart rate.

Social Anxiety Disorder – Like the name implies, this form of anxiety centers on fear of social situations, usually with worries of being judged, or acting in a way that would embarrass you.

Specific Phobias – Think things like fear of flying, but taken to an extreme level. This can lead to avoidance of many everyday things.

Generalized Anxiety Disorder – WebMD defines this as “excessive, unrealistic worry and tension, even if there's little or nothing to provoke the anxiety.”

These classifications are great in determining what makes you anxious, but they can and do occur concurrently. I, for example, fall into all four of those categories.

If I had to pick a topic for a cancer survivor, I’d say they have a specific phobia: obviously that the cancer will come back. And since this is always an actual possibility (just higher or lower depending on your personal situation), I’m not really a fan of WebMD’s definition.

Anxiety is common for people with cancer. While most patients are able to overcome these initial feelings, some are not. The National Comprehensive Cancer Network (NCCN) defines ongoing emotional anxiety symptoms as the following:

• excessive fear or worry
• feelings of dread
• having trouble concentrating
• feeling tense and jumpy
• anticipating the worst
• feeling irritable
• feeling restless
• watching out for signs of danger
• feeling like your mind's gone blank

The NCCN also defines physical symptoms of anxiety:

• pounding heart
• sweating
• dizziness
• shortness of breath
• muscle tension
• headaches
• fatigue
• insomnia

So what do you do if you have anxiety that will not go away? Start off by speaking to  your oncologist – they are familiar with all physical and mental aspects of cancer, and it’s aftermath. They can refer you to a psychologist and/or psychiatrist. You can do talk therapy, medication, or a combination of the two. I personally found it to be most helpful to me to see a therapist to deal with my feelings, and a psychiatrist to help manage my mood with medication.

Finally, please know that there is nothing to be ashamed of. The National Alliance on Mental Health (NAMI) says that 1 in 4 adults experience mental illness each year. Couple that with the fact that the American Society of Clinical Oncology (ASCO) says that 1 in 3 cancer patients suffer from anxiety or other mental illnesses, and know that you are truly not alone.

If you are suffering, please get help, the same way you got treatment for cancer, or would go to the doctor for the flu. The US Department of Health and Human Services can provide direction on how to handle mental health issues.

And always remember, you are not alone.

xoxoxo Jennie