Not so long ago, I met Danielle Sepulveres for the first
time. It was at a Cervivor event, which we both were a part of, but had never
met before. I was so nervous – here was this beautiful, talented woman who had
written a book on her own experience with HPV, said vagina a million times, and
just seemed way too cool for little old me.
When she walked in on the second day, I probably gave her
bitch face, because that’s what I do when I’m nervous. I promise, I’m trying to
work on this character flaw.
Saturday night of the event, we both left before the screening
of the very powerful documentary, Someone
You Love: The HPV Epidemic. Both of us had seen it before, and weren’t too
keen on a night of sobbing over the sadness and unfairness of women dying from
a disease that is almost 100% preventable.
So we walked out together, kind of talking about what we
were doing. I mentioned that my roommate, Erica, had suggested getting a drink
after the movie, and Danielle said, “That sounds cool.” So we exchanged digits
to get in touch when everyone else came back.
We actually went down early and drank like rock stars: tea
for Dani, Diet Pepsi for me. And we talked. I learned more about her book, and
knew I wanted to read it. We had a great night. I really enjoyed her company.
Yes, she is the ultimate cool girl. But she is warm, and friendly, and
inviting.
I just finished reading her book, Losing it: The Semi-Scandalous Story of an Ex-Virgin. The main
theme of the book is her experience with HPV she contracted from the first guy
she ever slept with. How she went through a colposcopy (a biopsy of the cervix
done in a doctors office without anesthesia), cryotherapy (freezing of the
abnormal cells on the cervix), and finally a LEEP procedure (a
thin, low-voltage electrified wire loop is used to cut out abnormal tissue in
the cervix). The information is real and factual and raw. After the LEEP, she
made the mistake of turning her head to face the tray that had the excised
tissue on it. Uncovered. Needless to say, there was vomit involved.
But these are the things we as women need to
know. It’s gotten a lot better, but even today most people hear HPV and have no
idea how prevalent it is (it’s estimated that about 80% of the population has
it), that there are over 150 strains, 4 strains are the high risk strains,
which can cause genital warts or cervical cancer. Those of us who advocate for
better knowledge regarding women’s health, for HPV, for Gardasil, for cervical
cancer, we don’t want to scare you, but we do want to wake you up. If Danielle
hadn’t been as diligent as she was, her story might have ended very
differently.
The LEEP finally cleared Danielle of the
HPV. It was the emotional backlash that didn’t go away so quickly.
“Matt,” the giver of HPV, failed to show up
for Danielle emotionally time and time again. And like a lot of women, she
couldn’t stay away – “Maybe this time would be different.” And of course it
never was. When she finally cut him off, I literally wanted to cheer.
Losing
It also deals with the prospect of dating after such a harrowing ordeal.
None of the guys seemed right, and if they did, she flashed back to Matt, and
how perfect he’d seemed.
And Losing
It is not just about sex and vaginas. It’s about family too. It’s about
Danielle’s experience of losing a life long family friend right before
Thanksgiving, and the death of her beloved grandmother. It’s about her
fabulously wacky mom, who when learning that HPV was an STI, asked Danielle if
she was a lesbian now.
When the first HPV vaccine came out,
Danielle got it. She stresses a lot in her book that she stays on top of her
health, which just goes to show you that you can be as vigilant as possible,
and things can still slip through the cracks. Danielle waited 23 years to lose
her virginity, and had no idea that in doing so, she was contracting an STI
that could have potentially led to a fatal illness. Thanks to receiving the
vaccine, Danielle is now protected against the 3 other forms of HPV the vaccine
covers (since she’d already been diagnosed with one, the vaccine will not
protect her from that).
There is a portion of the book, after
Danielle has been given the all clear that the HPV infection is gone, which is
like a series of “aha” moments. She describes various conversations with women
she knows or meets, and things they say make her think, “Surely these women
have been through the same thing I went through.” One woman is pregnant, and
assures Danielle that the only difference for her than any other pregnant woman
is more doctor’s visits and sonograms. Procedures like the LEEP or multiple
biopsies do shorten the cervix, and can cause pregnancies to be deemed high
risk in women who have had those treatments mutiple times. Danielle is
relieved, because in the back of her mind, she worried that she would not be
able to have children. Since her treatment course was very much like this
woman’s was, chances are good that she will be fine.
Seriously, buy this book. Buy it for yourself;
buy it for your daughter. It is full of medical facts and real life struggles
when faced with an STI. It made me laugh, it made me cry, it made me pump my
fist and shout “YES!” (My husband probably thinks I’m nuts now.) As a matter of
fact, read anything you can get your hands on that Danielle has written. I
promise you will not regret it.
Losing
It: The Semi-Scandalous Story of an Ex-Virgin by Danielle Sepulveres is
available in print as well as an e-reader. She is currently a freelance writer
for everything from the Washington Post to xojane.com and a ton in
between; working both behind the screen and on camera in TV and film; and
speaks as an advocate for improved sex education on college campuses. She has
collaborated on a second book, a collection of essays called “Too Old to Have a
Major, Too Young to Have a Minor,” and is writing her third book, which will be
her first novel. You can find her on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/danielle.sepulveres, Twitter at https://twitter.com/ellesep?lang=en, Tumblr at http://ellesep.tumblr.com/, and her webpage, http://daniellesepulveres.com/.
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