In a perfect world,
your friends and family would react with compassion and love when you receive
your diagnosis. But that isn’t always the case. In my experience, my family was
completely supportive, and surrounded me with love and support. However, I’ve
heard stories about families reacting in completely the opposite way. A friend
shared that her mother didn’t want her to tell anyone about her diagnosis,
because cervical cancer was the “bad girls cancer.” Just at the time when you
need your family the most, they can sometimes turn their backs on you.
For me, the most
difficult thing was the reaction of some very close friends; ones who I assumed
would absolutely be there to support me. I was sorely disappointed. I had one
friend who made plans to come by while I was recuperating from surgery, and
then just never showed up. I had friends who stopped calling and wouldn’t take
my calls. I was hurt, and I was angry.
The silver lining
was that I received a tremendous outpouring of support from people who I would
never have expected to reach out. I received so many offers of help from where
I least expected it. It was a true blessing.
I carried a lot of
hurt and resentment for a while about being blown off by those I thought would
be there for me. But I came to realize that their emotional distance wasn’t
about me. Several reached out to me later on, and explained that they pulled
back because of their own issues. Some had family members who had succumbed to
cancer. Some where frightened by the thought of their own mortality. And I
forgave them. Cancer is a very difficult issue for anyone to deal with.
If you feel loved
ones pulling away when you are diagnosed, cut them a break. Chances are they
are just frightened – at the thought of losing you, at the thought of their
own mortality, at memories of loved ones they’ve lost. Nothing about cancer is
easy, for anyone.
xoxo Jennie
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