Sex After Cancer

Cervical cancer causes many changes, especially to your sex life.  Your body has gone through so many traumas, and honestly sex is different in your post-cancer life. Women who have surgery wind up with a shortened vagina. If you have radiation, the texture width of your vagina changes. You have to use a dilator (a vaginal dilator is a tapered devices used to slowly stretch the vaginal walls of the vagina so penetration is more comfortable. Dilator sets typically come in a wide variety of sizes so that a woman can start at a size that is most comfortable for her.) If your ovaries are removed as part of treatment, you go into menopause. The typical intimacy is just not there.

There is also the added difficulty of communicating to your partner that sex is not the same as it used to be, and that you aren’t as eager to have it.

I spoke with many women about their experience with sex post cervical cancer. Many had no desire to have sex, due to fear, lack of interest, and pain. Women who do have sex also experience pain, dryness, and lack of orgasm. There is also bleeding after intercourse, which makes it really uncomfortable for women who are not in monogamous relationships to deal with. I even have a friend whose marriage broke up because of her issues with sex post-disease – I cannot repeat the words I am thinking of this man, but let’s just say they are not flattering.

From the information I have gathered, the biggest issue is pain. Between surgery that shortened and changed your vagina, and radiation damage, sex seems insurmountable. But intimacy doesn’t have to mean intercourse. It can be shown in a kiss, a hug, or just holding each other.

After my surgery, sex was very painful, and it still is. I still bleed from time to time. I don’t have orgasms like I used to. My sex drive has diminished. In all honesty, sex frightens me. It’s very hard when my husband wants to have sex, and I don’t. I oftentimes agree because I don’t want him to feel bad. We did talk about it, and he was very gentle with me. He oftentimes just held me when that is what I needed.

On the plus side, I have heard from several women who say that they have better orgasms than they ever did before treatment! So there is hope.

The best thing you can do is communicating openly with your partner about your wants and needs. One woman suggested masturbation so that you know how your body responds, and then can show your partner how to make it enjoyable for you.

xoxo Jennie